When you grow up in the South, you learn that there are certain things you just don’t talk about. And you have to learn by osmosis, because the older generations don’t even talk to the younger generation about what not to talk about. You just figure it out.
Mark Thornton
The elders don’t like it if you can do math and point out that the newest addition to the family was born eight months after the virtuous young couple got married. “He’s a honeymoon baby,” they’ll insist. If you force the issue by pointing out that the premature newborn was 8-1/2 pounds, they’ll tell you to hush up.
You don’t talk about that uncle who left his wife and kids to start a new life with the young busboy from Denny’s.
You certainly don’t question the short courtship of the beloved family pastor and parishioner who wed mere months after his wife died.
And even if they’re proud of that close friend of the family who married the famous Hollywood actor, don’t dare bring up the role that required him to do “gay stuff,” even though it earned him an Oscar nomination.
The “rules” of social media are even more restrictive and difficult to navigate. In some instances, people overshare, from what they’re having at every meal to grisly details of extremely personal ailments — both often accompanied by photos, unfortunately.
But if those same people post that a young family member has been hospitalized or died, don’t ask what happened. That’s intrusive. Apparently, the woman who was just days earlier posting about her occasional incontinence doesn’t believe it’s relevant to mention how a healthy-seeming teenager died. If you actually inquire, a legion of her Facebook followers will publicly shame you for being so insensitive (after they’ve all inboxed each other to find out if it was suicide or overdose, of course).
You can post gossip, but only if it’s under the guise of a prayer request, preferably punctuated with a prayer hands emoji.
It’s also OK to make yourself the center of attention with the mysterious “Unspoken Prayer Request,” to which the dutiful followers post words of encouragement while obeying the “No questions!” order, of course. Not me. I need more information before I go to God on your behalf. What if you’re praying for your family to be killed so you can get even more sympathy and, as a bonus, finally hook up with the pool boy? What if you’re praying for your mother-in-law’s plane to crash? Or asking God for the funds to pay for buttock augmentation surgery?
Of course, you can’t ask any questions or you’ll be considered “toxic” and find yourself unfriended — sort of like that person likely is in the real world. But in the social media suburbs of carefully crafted images and curated commenters, everything can be turned into a positive, even an admission of weakness or wrongdoing. Friend groups stick with each other and share a special bond — one that’s not burdened by actually having to see or know each other. The only thing worse than those vapid Fakebook “friendships” are the people who sit in the same room and post their inner-most feelings about each other. That’s just bad theater.
It’s mostly groups of like-minded people who see and share content they agree with, with reactions that are more emotional than thoughtful. There’s little meaningful debate on Facebook. They’re not there to understand another point of view or to be challenged. They want attention and affirmation (and a few of us are just entertained by it all). It’s funny that as recently as the 1990s, future ultra-liberal senator Al Franken did a skit making fun of people like that in the classic Saturday Night Live skit “Daily Affirmations With Stuart Smalley.” If that were to start re-airing regularly today, ol’ Stuart might become a cult leader.
With the Facebook folks’ penchant for keeping things positive in their groups and policing those who don’t, it was strange to see a post that’s been being circulated locally the last few days. It’s a newspaper story from June 26, 1919, about a planned lynching in Ellisville. A black man, John Hartfield, was accused of “assaulting” a young white woman in Ellisville — a woman he was actually believed to be in a consensual relationship with. The man was reportedly shot in the shoulder and treated by a local doctor so his health could be preserved long enough to turn him over to an angry mob the next day. A story appeared in the New Orleans States and the Jackson Daily News. Gov. Bilbo is quoted as saying he was powerless to do anything to stop the mob. The post concludes by noting that a “cheering crowd assembled to watch,” and after Hartfield was hanged and his body riddled with bullets, the men “cut up the corpse for souvenirs” and made “commemorative postcards” …
Anyone with an ounce of humanity would agree that’s horrific. Those days are a stain on our history. Unlike people who worship at the altar of wokeness, I don’t believe our history needs to be whitewashed. Unlike the genteel generations before mine who prefer silence, I’m not suggesting that people not talk or post about such things.
But here’s my question: Why are you posting it? What did you hope to accomplish?
It would have been a powerful way to make an obvious point. But in 73 comments (as of Thursday night), not a single person made it — not even the person who posted a GIF of Barack Obama wiping tears. The postscript to that post needs to be: Look at where we were only 100 years ago, but since then, we’ve broken every glass ceiling and even had a black man get elected president for two terms in a country that’s 60 percent white. Our forefathers paid an awful high price, but we made it. Praise God!
And no one mentioned the most surprising item on the page — a large-type banner across the bottom that asks “What Will You Do To Help Stop This?” with a solicitation for money and members for the NAACP.
No one took a minute to reflect and count the blessings for the amazing progress that’s been made in our country. That’s just not as fashionable as creating division is these days. And that’s sad, because it’s working.
Mark Thornton is editor-in-chief of the Leader-Call. Email him at
February 27, 2021 at 02:42AM
https://www.leader-call.com/opinion/columnists/don-t-forget-to-remember/article_b7be672a-786a-11eb-bece-5fd904fc08a8.html
Don't forget to remember | Columnists | leader-call.com - leader-call.com
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